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Feb. 2nd, 2012

It is far too late for me to think right now. Questions I will ponder:

1) Why do I want to write.
2) What is pride?
3) Why am I afraid of failing?

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esoteric_trance
Feb. 5th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
Temporary Answers
1) I want to write because there is something very soothing in the drawing with words. When it flows out of my mind, I feel free.

2) I asked this question because I find that most of my motivational crutch in wanting to feel proud of the time I am putting in. It is the reason that I do not often fall into patters of watching TV for hours on end, or any other time-filling entertainment. I want to be able to say that I am some how better than other people because instead of consuming- in my spare time, I create. So now I wonder, why do I need pride? What is it about pride that would be helpful to my creation of art?
--Pride: As defined by merriam-webster.com - delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship
--Proud: as defined by merriam-webster.com - having proper self-respect
The definition for pride makes me realize that one aspect to the extrinsic motivation is the desire to have PROOF of how awesome I am. Implying that I do not have an inherent belief in my awesomeness.
This is furthered by the definition of "proud". I need to create, because I need to have proof, so that I can properly respect myself.

Though, it is ironic, in that true pride, requires no proof. I should be proud of me because I am a person who tries. I am a person with passion. I am a person with pride. I do not need evidence of these things, to feel proud of them.
So, I will endeavor to eradicate my need to prove things through creation.
Creation should be for the purpose of enjoyment and intrigue.

3) One reason that I'm afraid of failing is that I am worried that my inability will prove my worthlessness. If I cannot write in my NATIVE LANGUAGE, what am I worth? I am afraid that trying, means risking proving all the bad things I tell myself.

<3
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"I should..." - Intrinsically motivating oneself

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